Jun
8
“Tim. Tim. Get up.”
Tim opened his eyes and immediately shut them against the blinding light of the sun. He shielded his face and tried to say “Go away”, but his words were unintelligible. His teeth were fuzzy and his saliva was the consistency of mucus, his head was throbbing and some asshole was shaking him.
“Tim you have to get up man. Come on,” Jimmy was pulling on Tim’s arm. “Andrew stop laughing this isn’t funny.”
“Oh come on, if this isn’t funny then what the hell is.”
“Go get a blanket or some pants or something.”
Andrew roared with laughter as he left to follow Jimmy’s instructions.
“Tim get up. Now”
“What the hell is going on. Just let me sleep.”
“Tim. You are naked in the front yard and its noon. The police are here. You have to get up and put on some clothes.”
“Shit.”
Tim was awake and on his feet immediately. Indignation turned to embarrassment and he passed Andrew moving as quickly as he could while still maintaining, what he believed, was left of his dignity. He was quickly relieved of his illusion when Andrew handed him a blanket and burst into another round of laughter. Tim made his way quickly inside to the kitchen and washed away the foulness in his mouth with a glass of water. He sat and tried to piece together what the hell had happened to him. He was definitely clothed when he had left Candice. Then he lay down in the grass. That was it; what the hell happened.
Tim sat like that for fifteen minutes staring blankly at the table filling the void in his memory with all sorts of fantastic things that might have happened. Andrew sat down across from him grinning from ear to ear. Tim looked up at him and couldn’t help but to laugh.
“What the hell happened to you last night that you ended up naked in the front yard?”
“I don’t know. I was going to ask you. The last thing I remember is going outside and lying down on the grass because I was hot.”
“I guess it was a hell of a night all around. I woke up with Suzy this morning.”
“Suzy Mitchell? I hope you remember more about your night than I do mine. Did you see me after we did that last shot?”
“Nope. You left with Candice and I went outside and hooked up with Suzy. We spent the night over at her house. I came over to see if you guys wanted to grab some lunch, I walked up, you were naked and Jimmy was trying to wake you up. Maybe Jimmy can shed some light on the situation.” Andrew motioned behind Tim with his eyes.
“Well, our neighbors aren’t going to press any charges and the police agreed not to arrest you.”
“Good.” Tim relaxed a little. “But what the hell happened last night. I did that last shot, I danced with Candice, and then I went outside to cool off.”
“You yelled at Rhonda that you wanted her to come outside and call you Poppy T.”
“Shit.”
“I’m sorry I missed that.” Andrew wiped the tears of laughter form his eyes.
“You almost broke Ronald’s nose with the door on your way out.”
“Is he alright.”
“Yeah, it was an accident. You just threw the door open on your way out. He walked around holding a cold beer to his nose the rest of the night.”
“I bet he looks like a baboon this morning with a big purple nose and his ass up on his back.” Andrew choked the words out between fits of laughter.
Jimmy and Tim laughed not at Andrew’s ribaldry, but because of his laughter.
“That doesn’t explain why the hell I was naked in the front yard.”
“That, my friend, I don’t know.”
“And where are my clothes?”
“I don’t now that either.”
“My boots.”
“Nope.”
“Damn.”
“Get dressed and let’s grab some lunch. I’m buying. I feel generous this afternoon.” Andrew had stopped laughing, but his spirit had not changed.
“Are you going to see her again, or better yet is she going to see you.” Tim stood up and checked his blanket for coverage.
“Tonight.”
“Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. See who? What’d I miss?”
